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Recipe for a Healthy Relationship
Author: Alina Ruigrok
First off, it is important to ask yourself what you consider a real relationship to be. You need to understand what your needs and desires are from another person, and what you are willing to give them. This way, you can see early in your first dates, if you wish to continue and work towards a future together, and if the other person feels the same of course (both sides count).
Once you have decided to have an official relationship, you both need to remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. For instance, what attracted you to each other both physically and emotionally? What do you admire about his or her personality? This will help not taking the other for granted, which can often happen after two people have been together for a long time. This does not mean the love is fading, but it does mean that there is lack of effort. People tend to get lazy after a while, because they feel comfortable and safe. This problem can be solved when both people are willing to make the time and effort.
Everyone is independent in their own beliefs and ideas about things, so never expect a person to always see things your way. However, it is important to have similar expectations out of a relationship, if you wish to avoid frequent arguments. Look for things like whether or not it is important for the both of you to see each other everyday, or have sex often. While seeing each other on a daily basis seems wonderful and healthy to some people, others may feel smothered and need space to have some alone time. Or if sex is on the top of your list, but is not on your partners, you might want to consider that, unless you do not mind waiting or taking care of yourself once in a while…depending on how long you have to wait!
Patience is one of the main keys to a healthy relationship. There are times when our partner will not respond in a way in which is pleasing to us, but this does not mean we have to take it so seriously or personally. Always slow down, take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner may be acting a certain way. Assuming and jumping to conclusions is always an unhealthy step to take because it shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely and they feel attacked, not to mention it shows that you automatically assume the worst of them. Give your partner some time and let them know that you will be there for them when they are ready to talk. No matter what the situation may be, patience is golden in a relationship, unless your partner never wants to discuss matters with you (which would mean you need counseling or leave the relationship).
Honesty is also at the top of everyone’s list when it comes to what people want out of a relationship. A person needs to know that they can trust their mate because it builds a zone of safety and comfortableness around them. They need to know that they can at least rely on their loving partner to tell them the truth, no matter what. Being human means NOT being perfect, which means we will make mistakes. Now, we should not let that fact lead us to making mistakes we already know are wrong ahead of time. If your partner deliberately makes mistakes or you knowingly make mistakes, it shows that you or your partner lacks respect and care for the other. This is unhealthy for the relationship. What is healthy however, is realizing that the mistake you committed is a mistake. You or your partner need to know that what they did was wrong and they need to feel the sympathy for what they did. Once you or partner have realized this, you can then figure out a way of how you will confess your wrong doings to the other.
Being accepted is a requirement in all relationships. No one desires to be with someone who judges them and rejects them for who they are or certain traits of their personalities. That is the beauty of being individuals. We are entitled to our own decisions, hobbies, goals, etc. When some one truly loves you, they love the whole package you come in, which means the physical you, the emotional you and the dreams and hobbies that come along with you. The person you choose to be with should support your dreams and respect your hobbies.
Kindness and thoughtfulness are both equally important in a healthy relationship. Your partner needs to be considerate of your feelings and treat you with care and kindness, as if you were a sweet delicate rose. He or she does not need to attend you like a babysitter, but should be there for you when you need him or her, or when you do not need them, but just because you want them. They should just want to be with you as well. The point of a relationship is not depending on each other for our self- health, but being a part of the others life. You should be responsible for your own happiness and esteem, not your partner.
So remember, a healthy relationship is when you and your partner can be yourselves, be honest with each other, be patient, accept one another, be kind and remembering to be thoughtful. With an open and caring relationship like this, your love is sure to grow and grow like beautiful trees do, because they receive the proper care from the sun and the rest of nature. Our partner is our sun and water, as we are to them. Together, you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.
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Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need for dating, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.
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