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Are You Hiding?
Author: Suzanne Falter-Barns
I am naturally timid; I always have been, and part of me always will be. Like much of the world, I've spent significant chunks of my life listening to an inner calling to express myself, then doing anything -- anything -- not to answer it.
Yet, for some time now, I have slowly been emerging, a process that has been both hard and hilarious. When I finally found a publisher for my first self-help book, just copying the final draft of the manuscript and putting it into an envelope to send to Oregon was like something out of a Marx Brothers movie. Pages were flying, chapters were lost, others were run off three times, and there I was in the middle, feeling the old terror in my gut and a weird, helpless clumsiness
For most of us timid types, a warning message always flashes off and on in the background whenever we come close to being seen: Danger! Potential Visibility Ahead! We share a pre-disposition for staying in the background, a love for anonymity. And we have a real need not to be known, because this is the only way we think we will ever be truly safe. Yet, there may also be a nagging need to express ourselves, as if God were making some grand karmic joke
For my husband, this shows up as a need to cry sometimes when he runs across stories of social justice, where someone is making a difference in a small but significant way. He cries because he knows this is work he could be doing -- if only he didn't feel such an urge to hide. Deep in our hearts we know we will not achieve our dreams in life until our tenderest underbelly has been seen. There is simply no other way out.
Hiding often shows up as self-sabotage. It's the emergence of our inner thirteen-year-old, an adolescent basketcase who just wishes Mom would step in and take care of things. My own favorite tactics have included sending out elaborate mailings which I never followed up on, being disorganized and losing key phone numbers and papers, and at one real low point, working hard to get important interviews that I never showed up for. Often we hide out in comfy, unchallenging jobs that surround us with pleasant people, provide a paycheck, and seem benign enough, except that we're not expressing ourselves one tiny bit. Some of us even resort to getting sick in order to lay low.
The ironic thing about all of this is that we hide because we think it will simplify our lives -- and yet, hiding actually takes tremendous energy. You have to put up with situations you hate, and keep making excuses to anyone who will listen, all the while ignoring the persistent emptiness of your life. Then you have to tune out the guilt that keeps playing at a low, steady hum every time you think about what you really should be doing. There is no serenity, or sense of balance to life. All there is is longing, denial, and shame.
The good news is that when you finally do expose yourself and let yourself be known, the sky does not fall. I know from my own emergence that there is a certain queasiness at first, and a deep suspicion of going public. But then there comes a lightness -- a kind of 'Aha!' and a sense that you are, indeed, in a very, very right place. Things begin to unfold; miracles suddenly happen. And on the heels of that comes a new kind of security, and a deeper sense of connectedness; one that is not in any way empty, or hollow.
Timid types, please take note.
(If this article struck a chord, check out Suzanne’s Coming Out of Hiding teleclass series which she leads with best-selling author Jennifer Louden. Details at http://www.howmuchjoy.com/comeoutofhiding.html )
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Suzanne Falter-Barns is the author of How Much Joy Can You Stand? A Creative Guide To Facing Your Fears and Making Your Dreams Come True (Ballantine Wellspring.) Her free ezine, The Joy Letter, brings you a crisp, fresh burst of inspiration for your dream every week or two. Sign up at http://www.howmuchjoy.com/joyletter.html and receive her valuable report, "Thirty-Five Guaranteed Time Savers". It helps you create time to finally live your dreams.
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