Why is my Match still Searching?
Author: Mars Venus

Why is my Match still Searching?
You met a great guy online and have gone on several dates with him. You think things are really starting to heat up, so you decide to hide your on-line profile, but, before you do, you take another look at his and your heart drops. It says "Active within 24 hours." You just saw him two nights ago, he sent you a sweet e-mail today and, even though you have plans to see him this weekend, he's still searching for other dates! Is he no longer interested in you, or could he be a player? Should you confront him or just dump him?

The answers are: no, no, no and no. Online dating has brought about many advances in the way people date, but it has also added some new wrinkles. One of the most potentially damaging to a budding relationship is the fact that people tend to leave "footprints" in cyberspace. Simply put, the fact that he's dating other people - or even thinking of dating other people - is right there in your face. Online dating brings many other unique twists to the table. In traditional dating circumstances you do not encounter situations like the false sense of intimacy that electronic communication encourages, the ability to "Google" a potential partner, and the shopping list mentality, where each potential match must fit a preselected list of criteria. Perhaps most difficult is dealing with the fact that your dream guy is still looking - this can be a big blow to a woman's ego.

Before online dating, men and women met each other, developed an attraction, decided to date and then agreed to pursue an exclusive relationship with each other. Now, we meet a profile (not a person), analyze whether or not it meets our criteria, exchange a flurry of e-mails and instant messages and only then do we move on to meeting in person. While the Internet provides us access to people we wouldn't necessarily come into contact with in our normal routine, it also can create the potential for skipping dating stages. You may have met a person online and spent time getting to know him/her through e-mail, but the dating process does not begin until you actually start meeting in person. And it will take more than one, two or even three dates to move to the third stage of dating - exclusivity.

Another common pitfall of online dating is the creation of a false sense of intimacy. This syndrome can cause problems in the development of a relationship. In more traditional dating circumstances, the fact that one or both partners are still dating others would not be a problem because you wouldn't know. Ignorance, in this case, is bliss, and until there is a discussion about exclusivity and hiding or removing dating profiles, it is not realistic to expect your potential partner to be dating only you. Before you condemn the idea of dating more than one person at once, remember that it is essential to work through the Uncertainty stage of dating before moving on to Exclusivity.

Uncertainty in a relationship is the stage where you ask yourself the question, "Do I want to pursue an exclusive relationship with this person... yes or no?" If the answer is yes, then you are ready to explore dating just this one person. If the answer is no, then in your heart your not convinced that you're ready to become someone's "significant other."

The common problem is that one person is ready to be exclusive when the other is not. The other common problem is that many women are ready for "exclusivity" faster than the men they date are. Most men seem to need some time to adjust to the idea that they are going to close their little black books and date just one woman. The insecurity that many women feel during this time is because they sense that they are ready to move into the "relationship" phase of dating faster than their partner.

The unfortunate thing about living in a high tech world is that many women now know, or can find out, if their men are still "considering" being exclusive by looking at their "online status." We wonder if programs that let you see how active your man is are good or bad for women? Is it possible that we know too much? The whole process of moving into an exclusive relationship hinges on answering the question of whether you are ready to date just one person. Men and women need to explore this question, but coaches at Ask Mars Venus can tell you that most women choose to get exclusive weeks faster than men.

In the meantime, the best suggestion is a "Don't ask, don't tell, don't LOOK" strategy. What you don't know in the first stages of dating won't hurt you and can actually help you make it to the exclusivity stage! If you find yourself feeling hurt that your guy isn't calling you his girlfriend yet, there are some things you can do about it. A Mars Venus Coach can help you to determine the best time and means of talking about your feelings with your new guy. Keep in mind that the wrong conversation can make him think you're a little too eager for his taste.







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Our coaches help callers with this issue every day, and alleviate their anxiety with just one phone call. If you want an answer to the burning question in your heart, why not talk to a Mars Venus Coach about this today.

Our coaches are trained to help you discover the root of your issue, and deliver to you a solution for how to get your love life back on the right track, quickly and efficiently!

For more info about this program please call 1-866-628-8858.


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