Intimacy and Sex For Women
Author: Larry Danks

Intimacy and Sex

Timing
Don’t lead with your body, no matter how taken you seem to be with a man. If he’s really interested in you, and not just in sex, he’ll wait until you think the time is right and respect that, whatever that timing is, and whether it is based on your religious beliefs, your personal preferences, or both. If he is aggressive in this area, he is not for you. Not just because he wants sex, but because he isn’t showing respect for what you think. He’s inconsiderate and only thinking of himself. You want someone who thinks of you first.

Having a physical relationship before you get to know someone may also cloud your judgment. You might find that the sex may be exciting and great, particularly if it has been a while. But if the match isn’t as good as you thought later, if you have already been intimate, you might wish later that you hadn’t been. If you’ve been there already, you know what I mean. It can also easily make sex the focus, instead of getting to know each other better first. Not that it can’t work the other way around, but you put the odds of better judgment in your favor with a more conservative course of action and a clearer head.

Sexual Protection
The decision if, or when, to have sex rests with you, whether it is early on, or reserved until after marriage. Much has been written about the importance of close companions, particularly newer ones, having protected sex. Many sources of information are available about sexually transmitted diseases through your physician and Internet medical locations. It is highly sensible to learn about a man's dating and sex history, and his truthfulness, before having any unprotected sex. Having a relationship break up is one form of hurt, suffering the consequences of a disease from unprotected sex is a far greater one. Be judicious.

Discussing Sex
Somewhere along the way, having a frank discussion about sex is necessary. It is an important part of a relationship.

I have read that more than a few mature women have become disinterested in sex. While there could be medical explanations for this sometimes, which may be worthwhile investigating and seeking medical advice for, my guess is that the reason may lie more often in a man’s approach, lack of general sensitivity, failure to meet a woman’s sexual needs and fantasies or to stimulate her in ways she finds satisfying emotionally and physically.

There is also a need to ascertain whether a man's sexual practices are acceptable to you. If you have been frustrated and unfulfilled in this area, do not to give up hope on a satisfying sexual relationship. Time, openness, adjustment, communication and caring for one another are all necessary ingredients. If your lover is loving and kind and pays attention to your sexual needs, as you do to his, things can be beautiful and exciting again. Keep this hope alive, as well as that of finding the special, wonderful and caring man to share love, romance, sex and your daily time with.

Intimacy, Romance and Feeling Loved
Intimacy can be just as important for men as it is for women. Some of them just don't know it. Some have never gotten past the basics. And some can't be taught, or won't want to change. But many can be and will be open to it with a little prompting. It is important for women to know that many men want the same kind of intimacy that they do.

Do you like to be hugged and kissed, have your arms and legs stroked lovingly and gently, be kissed on the neck, be hugged from behind and told how much you are loved? Do you like to just be kissed and hugged out of the blue for no reason and told "I love you"? Well, a lot of men like to have those things happen to them too. It makes them feel valued and loved, the same way you feel when it happens to you.

Do not hesitate to do these things to a man. It lets him know how much you love him. It shouldn't just be a one way street. Many women want, or dream of, having a man share love with them, but they won't share it themselves. Sometimes it might be because of their reserved nature, because they think it is not "lady like" or because they have always been the one having the attention paid to them because of their attractiveness. Intimacy and romance should be a two way street.

Be a toucher and a hugger. Put your arm around your man's shoulders and give him a squeeze. It lets him know and feel how special he is.

If you love someone, let him know it in every way you can. You be the initiator, out of bed and in it. It is not just "the man's job" to initiate sex and to orchestrate the sexual agenda. Be an active participant. Your initiatives let him know that you love him and want to show him that love by your overt actions. It can help a man feel that he is really loved and bond him ever closer to you. If a man always has to be the initiator, and always has to be the one making the moves in bed, it can sometimes make him feel that his lover is too passive, and doesn't love him enough to want to enthusiastically express her love to him. A woman and a man coming at each other in enthusiastic love can create a new excitement all its own, that can help re-fire what you may have thought was lost. So do not hesitate to be more aggressive. It can be a real turn on for a man. Your good communication with one another can help both of you find the right level. If you feel that your date is deficient in these areas, have a serious, but pleasant talk about it with him. Together you will find the sexual balance that will make your love grow all the more.

Some men find these kinds of romantic expressions very difficult, and sometimes uncomfortable, but with some encouragement and telling him how very important it is to you for him to show you these things, hopefully he will respond in a positive way. You lead the way and set the example. It will greatly increase the love connection you feel for one another. Keep romance alive as it should be, and will go a long way toward creating and maintaining a lasting and love filled relationship. Be each other's lovers.

Do your part to stimulate romance. Let your special man know that this is important to you, if it is. Wear some things you know he really likes. Look good and smell fragrant. Have surprise candlelight dinners or surprise your guy by taking him to a romantic restaurant or someplace else where you can be together in a close and special way.

Be provocative once in a while. Wear something sexy and frilly that you know your man will like, so it looks like you walked out of a dream. Feel comfortable about this. Just look good and be radiant. You will stir his heart, his passion and his love for you.

Have some drinks or other beverages and little snacks on the table in the living room, den or deck when he comes home. Sit and talk a while and relax.(Studies have shown that many disagreements arise within a short time after someone who has been out for a while arrives home. Allow for relaxation, deceleration and reconnecting time.)

Spending private time together every day is very important. Make time for yourselves. Do not let daily activities leave you with only crumbs and leftovers for each other. If you have children, maybe this is better done later in the evening. Hopefully, your man will start responding in kind and you'll have two builders for the "house of love and romance", not just one. Some of this may have sounded fine to you or some of it may have sounded like it didn't fit very well with you or your partner. What I've written is meant to be suggestive only. Just keep the same love and romance objective. Then fine tune it and do what seems most natural and what works best for both of you to make your love what you want it to be, and what it should be.

Fear of Intimacy
I am not speaking of sex here necessarily, but of a deep and loving closeness of kissing, holding and hugging the one you love, touching, and speaking to one another in the most private and personal way. For some women it comes very naturally to be intimate in these ways, and to desire a partner who also is. But that is surely not everybody. Some women find it difficult to encourage intimacy with a man, and to welcome it themselves. It could be the result of a past hurt, the risk of feeling foolish, particularly if it all doesn't work out, or simply that a woman has never been intimate with a man before. Whatever the reason, I encourage you to go forward in intimacy when you have feelings for someone. There is always the risk of being hurt, but it is a heck of a way to go through life never having shared the sweetness of intimacy with a man you love. Don't force it. Just relax and let it come slowly and naturally. If you have the right man, he will be gentle,kind and understanding. He probably needs intimacy as much as you do. Together you will discover your way to a new and unique level of happiness that both of you can share together always.

Perhaps you are in thirties, forties, fifties, sixties or beyond and have never been intimate with a man before. There is no shame in that. Maybe you didn't meet a person you felt that way about before. Or maybe it has been too uncomfortable for you to let your feelings go in that direction. But when you feel as if you have found the right man, follow your heart and share yourself with each other. That is the greatest love. The giving of yourself to one another. You will find a completeness in yourself, and in life, that you didn't know was missing. Once you find it you will never want to let go of it in your life again. Even if the relationship doesn't work out in the end, you will have freed yourself, and more fully completed yourself, for any further relationship you might have. Let the spiritual beauty you have inside you pass over to the man you love. You will both be all the better and happier for it. It will be ok. Just listen to your heart.

Complete Sex
Sex should have a physical, emotional and spiritual dimension. The physical part that produces desire and provides a relief to mind and body is what most people can easily relate to. When it is shared between two people who have love and/or caring for one another, it also produces a special emotional closeness.

The spiritual part is more elusive, and is often absent. This takes place when the partners are not only joining their bodies, but joining their minds and hearts and souls in giving themselves fully to one another during those special moments. At those times, try to think of the deep love and closeness you feel for him.

Talk with him about it. Work on making those moments everything they can be at the deepest level. The physical part is wonderful in and of itself, but that can be heightened to the greatest degree when both the woman and the man bring their entire being to the moment. Try to find someone who understands this. There is a world of difference between "having sex" and having a deep and meaningful sexual relationship. Experience the deepest kind of love you can have at the deepest level. Give yourselves completely and fully to one another.







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Excerpted from www.datingadvice.us providing dating tips and advice for women and suggestions for dating safety. Other author websites include: www.buyingahome.bz, www.datingadvice.us and www.onkindness.com.

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