Relationship Q & A
Author: Rinatta Paries, Relationship Coach, Master Certified Coach

Many readers of the Relationship Coach Newsletter, www.WhatItTakes.com, send in relationship questions to be answered by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries. Below is the latest installment of readers' relationship questions and Rinatta's answers. If you have a relationship situation or question that needs to be resolved, this Q&A may offer resolution ideas.

Q. Dear Rinatta,
My husband and I have a wonderful relationship¡¦most of the time. He says although I satisfy his physical needs well, he needs another woman to satisfy his emotional needs. I know this other woman and I feel like she is my rival for his attentions. There is a big power struggle going on between her and me and I find it too difficult to handle at times. My husband says he needs her and it gets me down how important she is to him. It affects my feelings toward him. Is it possible to resolve this or do I just live with the triangle? Joanne

A. Dear Joanne,
I am not clear from your question whether the other woman is simply a friend of your husband's or something more. I am clear that your marriage may be in trouble. It is unlikely that the situation can simply stay the way it is without some blow up-- you feel too strongly about this. I think there is only one solution, which is an ongoing dialog with your husband about the situation. Ask him what kind of needs the other woman meets for him and what you could do to meet those needs. Then listen to what he says and learn what you can do about the situation. Also, tell him in detail how you feel, talking to him without blaming. This can get resolved. Good luck.

Q. Rinatta,
I loved your article on *10 Reasons To Start A Mass Dating Campaign* (newsletter #91), but I wonder how to make the mass dating happen. Thanks much. Sylvia

A. Dear Sylvia,
When I referred to mass dating, I was really referring to all of the ways a single person can meet more than one available person at a time. The Internet is great for such a thing, of course. Try websites such as http://www.match.com and http://www.spousefinders.com. Also, try singles' adventure clubs, travel and singles' events of all kinds. Finally, try singles' ads in the hippest of your local newspapers. All of these avenues have thousands of singles looking for a relationship, so you will be in good company. Good luck.

Q. Rinatta,
I have been dating a person occasionally and things were going quite well. We were taking things slow, but now we are getting closer and seeing each other more often. It's still very early in the dating process. We enjoy each other's company and have had a nice time so far. No commitment, no intimacy. Last night, he told me that he still sees his old girlfriend at least once a month and they are still very close (i.e., intimacy). But he says there is no future with her. He still wants to see me. He knows that we cannot go any further in our relationship until he ends it with her, but he does not seem as if he is interested in ending it with her anytime soon. *It's the holidays, you don't understand, I can't do it to her now,* etc., etc. He wants to continue to see me, and says it should not make any difference that he sees her once a month. He knows we cannot move our relationship forward as long as she is in the picture. But he still thinks we should go out on dates. Should I continue to see him? I feel like I am writing *Dear Abby,* but I really am perplexed. We are not very involved -- I don't even have a right to ask him not to see anyone else since it's so early in the relationship. Thank you for any advice. Diane

A. Dear Diane,
Glad to be your *Dear Abby.* :-) If you are simply dating, with no plans for the future¡¦if you are not thinking he is *Mr. Right,* but he is rather *Mr. Right-Now,*¡¦then there is no harm in continuing to see him. Needless to say, I would suggest that you do not get intimate with him while he is still intimate with someone else. If you start to get even slightly attached while he is still seeing his ex, you'll need to tell him you do not feel comfortable with someone else in the picture. But I think you know that this may be the point of no return. Good luck.

Q. Rinatta,
How can I meet someone who is educated and makes enough money to support the both of us if we fall in love. I have been on 4 different paid Internet dating sites and have been very disappointed. I also get negative feedback from family and friends that I should not be pursing dating in this manner. Help! Pat

A. Dear Pat,
Unfortunately I am going to be yet another negative voice. How would you feel about a single man looking for a woman who makes enough money to support the both of them if they fall in love? Many men resent women who go looking for a relationship with a desire to be supported by a future partner, and rightly so. Perhaps the best possible solution is for you to support yourself and then meet a man who will love, cherish and partner with you. Good luck.

Q. Rinatta,
I am a subscriber to your newsletter here in L.A. and would like a recommendation for an online dating service that caters to working professionals. I actually went to a semi-expensive matchmaker and did not get good results. Waiting to hear. Thanks! Nikki

A. Dear Nikki,
Try http://www.match.com and http://www.spousefinders.com. Also, check out http://www.byinvitationonly.com. Please let me know if you find any other great dating services on the web.

Q. Rinatta,
I've been dating a man for more than 2 years, talking to him and seeing him everyday. One year of it was horrible, as he was dating someone else. He constantly talked about this other relationship, but stopped seeing her after she realized that he was not going to marry her. Now he and I are together, but he is living with his ex-wife (strictly platonic, he says, and I *sort of* believe him). The main issue I have is that he never spends the night with me, although I see him and talk to him everyday. What do you think about this, aside from it being strange? Anon

A. Dear Anon,
It is not my place to consider whether this is strange or not. What I do think is that you are settling for a relationship with a man who is not available to you. I think that is the significance of him not spending the night with you - he is blatantly unavailable. The best thing I can tell you to do is let your partner know what kind of a relationship you want and ask him if he is interested in building such a relationship with you. Good luck.

What relationship question do you have? What questions or thoughts about relationships come up over and over again, only to remain unresolved? This is your chance to get into January's *Reader Q&A.*

Write to: Coach@WhatItTakes.com with your questions and thoughts about dating and relationships.

Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries http://www.WhatItTakes.com

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in *The Relationship Coach* newsletter, a weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to http://www.WhatItTakes.com.








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Rinatta Paries is a Relationship Coach who can teach you to attract your ideal relationship and forge it into the kind of life time partnership you have always wanted. Really! Rinatta is a Master Certified Coach, and a Coach University Graduate.

E-mail address: Coach@WhatItTakes.com

Home page URL: http://www.WhatItTakes.com

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