Understanding ours and others' Needs
Author: Robert Elias Najemy

We need to understand and communicate our needs. At the same time, it is important to be able to hear, and if possible, respond to the other¢s needs. The following exercise in examining needs will help.

SOME NEEDS WE MIGHT HAVE
FROM THE OTHER
Mark your needs and add others you would like to be respected or fulfilled in this relationship.

1. Love (or greater expression of it)
2. Respect
3. Understanding (of what?)
4. Acceptance as we are
5. Acknowledgement and affirmation
6. Trust
7. Freedom to think and function as we believe and in accordance with our needs
8. A peaceful environment
9. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of our abilities and powers
10. To be listened to without hearing criticism or advice.
11. Satisfaction with us.
12. Inspiration
13. To be just with us - to behave toward us as he or she would like us to behave toward him of her
14. To agree with our beliefs and ideals or at least accept and respect them
15. To express his or her true feelings, needs and beliefs
16. Freedom of movement
17. To keep our agreements
18. To have patience with our weaknesses
19. To be supported during difficult moments
20. To express gratitude for all we offer him or her
21. To acknowledge our positive qualities
22. To be able to be alone when we do not feel well or when we have the need.
23. To get out more often
24. To get more rest
25. To be given more help in the chores
26. For greater attention when we speak
27. To do more things together
28. For greater responsibility on his or her part
29. To be on time
30. To receive more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness
31. To be able to behave as we like in our home.
32. To take care of him/her self.
For romantic relationships:
33. Affection and erotic contact.
34. To be sexually devoted to only us

Other___________________________________

Consider which needs might be behind the following:

Your complaining
Your criticism
Your impatience
Your refusal to cooperate
Your reactions
Your conflicts and arguments
The games you play
Your competitiveness
Your teaching and sermonizing
Your anger

Now place a special mark next to those needs that in your perception are not being fulfilled enough in your relationship. Having done so, seek to discover whether your lesson is to:

1. Express these needs more dynamically through I-messages
2. Get free from the needs
3. Get free from subconscious beliefs (fears, guilt) that prevent you from manifesting this need
4. Some combination of the above.

According to what you find, then employ affirmations for each obstacle towards any of these four possible lessons so that you can move forward.

According to your discoveries, make a plan for proceeding toward a happier reality.

Tuning into the other¢s needs.
Mark what you believe to be the other¢s needs

1. Love (or greater expression of it)
2. Respect
3. Understanding (of what?)
4. To accept them as they are
5. Acknowledgement and affirmation 6. Trust
7. Freedom to think and function as they believe and in accordance with their needs
8. A peaceful environment
9. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of their abilities and powers
10. To be listened to them without hearing criticizing or advice
11. To be satisfied with them
12. To inspire them
13. To be just with them ? for us to behave toward them as we would like them to behave toward us
14. To agree with their beliefs and ideals or at least accept and respect them
15. To express our true feelings, needs and beliefs
16. Freedom of movement
17. To keep our agreements
18. To have patience with their weaknesses
19. To be support them during difficult moments
20. To express gratitude for all that they offer us
21. To acknowledge their positive qualities
22. To be able to be alone when they do not feel well or when they have the need
23. To get out more often
24. To get more rest
25. To receive more help in the chores
26. To be given greater attention when they speak
27. To do more things together
28. For greater responsibility on our part
29. To be on time
30. To receive more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness
31. To behave as they like in the home and elsewhere
32. For us to take care of ourselves
For romantic relationship partners
33 Affection and erotic contact
34. To be sexually devoted to only them

Other___________________________________

You might also want to consider which needs might be behind the other¢s:

Complaining
Criticism
Impatience
Refusal to cooperate
Reactions
Conflicts and arguments
Games he or she plays
Competitiveness
Teaching and sermonizing
Anger

Now place a special mark on the other¢s needs that you consider to be the least satisfied by yourself in this relationship. Then consider possible lessons:

1. To feel okay even if your loved one¢s need is not satisfied
2. To free yourself from any obstacles that keep you from satisfying your loved one¢s needs
3. To communicate more effectively about this through I-messages and active listening
4. To find practical solutions so you both can be happy
5. Some combination of the above

Once you have made your discoveries, move forward to employing affirmations for any emotions which might obstruct you from lovingly satisfy the other¢s needs or getting free from guilt that he or she is not satisfied. Also as mentioned above, work on any difficulties if communicating on this problem.








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Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books; sold over 100,000 copies. His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html. You can download FREE articles and e-books and get guidance at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com

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