Excellence: An alternative to perfectionist
Author: Dr. James A. Smith, LPC

Excellence: an Acceptable Alternative to Perfectionist

excellence: very great merit, quality or ability The New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary

perfectionist: the quality of being perfect - not content with anything less than the very best

excellent: adar, aw-dar?- to expand to be great or magnificent - to become glorious and honorable diaphero, dee-af-er?o - to bear through or transport to surpass - be better or make matter

perfection: tamiym, taw-meem?- entire - with integrity - without blemish - without spot - undefiled teleios, tel?I-os - complete - in various applications of labor, growth, mental and moral character Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible - with Greek and Hebrew Dictionaries

Excellence represents pursuing a goal while allowing some degree of flexibility and tolerance. Some degree of flexibility and tolerance allows you to experience some pleasure and fulfillment in what is being achieved: take time to smell the roses. An emotional and spiritually healthy person has well defined goals and priorities which allows them to enjoy their life, marriage, children and work with a quality of well being and having fun. Every phase of life, marriage, children and work has it’s own benefits and liabilities. Pursuing excellence allows us to enjoy the benefits and keep the liabilities in proper perspective.

Excellence is more of an attitude of fun, inspiration and excitement in achieving a task. It includes a creative process involving various talents and skills while brainstorming different ideas and possibilities. Excellence is more of a process of constructing something with an artistic flair, beauty and pleasure, rather than just fixing something right.

Excellence appreciates the perspectives of others and allows for the closeness of emotional intimacy: a positive emotional bonding beyond love, sex or marriage which enables you to share your inner-self of thoughts and feelings with others.

Perfectionist represents pursuing a goal while not allowing any flexibility or tolerance. The lack of flexibility and tolerance produces a rigidity that is experienced in impatience, frustration or being highly critical of yourself and others.

Perfectionist can become a way of controlling others: ie: You must live up to my demands and expectations. The underlying message of control is: You can’t be perfect, without any error, and you can’t live up to my demands so I am justified in angrily criticizing you and making you feel inadequate and inferior.

Perfectionist can also serve as a defense mechanism of keeping others out of your space: to avoid closeness and becoming vulnerable to any additional disappointments which may cause a sense of grief - shame - hurt - fear - rejection - abandonment or betrayal. The underlying message is: It is not safe to be open or close to significant others and so I will sabotage any potential moments of emotional intimacy in relationships by becoming distant, angry or critical. Another part of the message is: I would love to be close to you but I can’t because of your failures and inadequacies. Again, the underlying message is the same as before: Relationships are not safe - I may get hurt or feel disappointed - Relationships can become messy and too complicated - I am fearful of anyone really knowing me - It is easier to just keep people at arms length by being critical of whatever they do and ridicule whatever they say.

Pursuing excellence or being perfectionist is not something you fix but rather something you learn to manage in increasingly appropriate ways by becoming more conscious and aware of yourself as you interact with others: are you having “fun?in what you are doing or are you “frustrated? angry and critical. Excellence is giving yourself permission to have fun within the context of achieving things that are consistent with God’s will and his moral absolutes. Lord, I receive your permission and grace to pursue excellence: to enjoy the things you have given me to do in serving you. I Cor.10:31 Eph.2:10 Phil.2:13 I Thess:5:10 II Tim.3:16-17








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Dr. Smith has been active in pursuing a Christian perspective in counseling since 1968. His approach to counseling is holistic and balanced: understanding people's needs from a physical, psychological, social and spiritual perspective which is based on the authority of God's moral absolutes found in His infallible word. With the spiritual gift of exortation, Dr. Smith's approach is oriented to giving practical steps of action, which are designed to utilize God's grace. email: drsmith@hiwaay.net
website: Christian-Family.com

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