Help Your Relationship Flourish by “Popping the Question” — to Yourself!
Author: Hale Dwoskin

According to Hale Dwoskin, author of The Sedona Method, our relationship problems stem from need, not love. “We are really looking for love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways,” he says. Love gets mixed up with or covered over by other feelings, and therein lie such problems as:

Fear of losing love
Resentment towards the people from whom we want love
Looking away from love
But there is something you can do about a troubled relationship or to ease the struggle of finding a satisfying relationship, and it involves asking simple questions of yourself. By popping the following 11 questions from the Sedona Method, you can “let go” of fear and resentment, and begin to find mutual ways to express love.

Romance Exercise—Pop the Questions
The Top 11 Relationship Questions to Ask YOURSELF or Share with Your Partner
You’ll start by releasing relationship problems with your parents. Because your parents were your earliest role models, you learned from how they related to each other. You also learned from how they related to you. So, ask these two questions:

1. Is there anything about your relationship with your parents that you want to change, or anything that you’ve used as a model for yourself?

2. Could you let go of wanting to change it?

Whether the answer is “yes” or “no,” relax! You will be surprised how you begin to release feelings other than love for your parents. Let them go!

Next, check to see if your early relationships with your peers have given you relationship baggage:

3. Is there anything about your early friendships that you’d like to change, or that makes you want to resist?

4. If so, could you allow yourself to let it go?

As you release the problems and resistance you experienced with your peers, you will help your romance!

Before going to the next three questions, examine the emotions you should focus on releasing. Two of the most common emotions that get in the way are:

• Safety: If you find yourself returning to the same problematic relationship over and over, you may be holding onto old patterns. Focus your questions around releasing the need to change the past.

• Fear: If you find that you are afraid to commit, afraid of intimacy, or afraid of being hurt, dig deep during your questions and focus on releasing fear.

If safety and fear issues are impeding your relationship, ask these next questions:

5. What is something you fear might happen either in this current relationship or in your ideal relationship?

6. Can you see how you’re expecting that to happen?

7. Could you let go of expecting or wanting that to happen?

Likes and Dislikes:
Your relationship may also be stuck because you have collected a “list” of likes and dislikes. If this is the case, it’s important to make sure that you balance each side of the equation. Do one question on a like followed by one on a dislike. Try these questions:

8. So, what’s something that you like about your relationship, either the one you’re in right now or the one you’re anticipating?

9. What feeling does that stir up inside you?

10. Could you allow yourself to let it go?

Then repeat the process, asking yourself about something you dislike.

Acceptance and Peace:
Your last question will focus on building feelings of acceptance and peace.

11. Could you simply allow yourself to welcome your current relationship, if you have one?

Or, as an alternative:

11. Could you embrace what’s happened in the past, and also whatever might come in your future?
Besides learning how to pop the questions, The Sedona Method provides a number of other techniques to help the romantically challenged. Among these are exercises for dealing with control issues and for having too much or not enough separation. Dwoskin especially recommends:

Creating Mutuality
When you are doing things that are not mutual with your partner (unless you have accepted that) both of you are likely to become frustrated. Instead of imposing your will on each other, or assuming that one has to make a sacrifice, openly discuss the issue.

The Three-Step Disagreement Dissolver
Step 1: Each of you will take a turn arguing your point of view with as much feeling as possible, using only one vocabulary word: blah. Simply argue the way you normally would, full of emotion, trying to get your point across with, “Blah, blah, and blah.”

Step 2: Argue your partner’s point of view, as passionately as you can.

Step 3: Talk about what you’ve learned.

You’ll be amazed at how these three steps can get you past opposing points of view.

Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Real Moments and What Women Want Men To Know says “The Sedona Method is a valuable tool to help make our journey of self-discovery one that leads to powerful personal breakthroughs and new beginnings.”

Remember: You can pop the questions to yourself—taking time to relax and feel your answers to each—in order to improve not just your romantic relationships, but also all kinds of relationships!






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Hale Dwoskin is the CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates. He is an international speaker, corporate consultant and trainer of trainers. He is the author of current New York Times best seller THE SEDONA METHOD: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-being, foreword by Jack Canfield and the co-author of Happiness Is Free and It’s Easier Than You Think. For more information about The Sedona Method, please visit: www.sedonamethod.com

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