Talking to Your Children About Sex
Author: Jan Andersen

“Where do babies come from mummy?” It’s that age-old question that many parents dread and which usually results in some waffled reply that they hope won’t lead to further probing questions.

Some parents fear that by discussing sex with their children, they are condoning it. However, research shows that the children of parents who talk openly about sex are not only more comfortable talking about it themselves, but are likely to delay their first sexual experiences and to take adequate precautions when they do eventually have sex.

Many parents believe that the sex education that their children receive in school is adequate and somehow relieves them of the responsibility, but open and honest communication between parent and child will eventually eliminate any embarrassment and will encourage a healthy and positive attitude towards sex. Studies also suggests that teens who felt closely connected to their families were less likely to have sex at an early age, or to engage in high-risk practices than were those who felt more emotionally isolated from their families.

Adolescents may struggle with their sexual identity and suffer confusion over what is regarded as ‘normal’ behaviour. While most children are heterosexual, some may fleetingly experience sexual feelings towards the same sex, even if they are not actually homosexual. However, those who are gay may feel isolated and depressed.
Reassure your child that your love transcends sexual orientation. An open mind could literally save his or her life: a recent study of thousands of high school students found that suicide attempts were much more frequent among children who were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or not sure.

Whilst children need to understand the biological facts of sex, it is equally important for them to understand the emotional aspects of relationships. Some young people equate sex with love, but they need to have an appreciation of the importance of affection, care, responsibility and respect and the possible consequences of sexual activity.

Top Tips:

• Start as early as possible, rather than avoiding the topic of sex until your child reaches an age where it becomes embarrassing to discuss

• Initiate conversations rather than waiting for your child to ask questions

• Be receptive to your children’s questions, so that they feel comfortable coming to you when they are seeking advice on a difficult issue

• Offer guidance by conveying your own values, but not prejudices

• Give accurate and appropriate information for child’s age and level of understanding

• Be honest. If you feel embarrassed talking to an older child about sex, tell them that you feel uncomfortable and why. The more you talk, the less embarrassing it will become

• Use humour. Turning a serious topic into a light-hearted conversation not only removes some of the awkwardness, but can make your child more inclined to listen and absorb the information


Footnote:

Fact:

Chlamydia is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections (STIs), but
70% of women and 50% of men who are infected with Chlamydia show no symptoms at all. The infection can cause infertility, ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage or premature birth. More information can be obtained from the Family Planning Association on 0845 310 1334 (Open Monday to Friday 9am - 7pm), or by visiting their website: http://www.fpa.org.uk/







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Jan Andersen is a British Freelance Writer and the creator of Mothers Over 40 (www.mothersover40.com), an inspirational and encouraging site for older parents. In addition to commercial copywriting for a broad spectrum of industries, Jan specialises in compelling articles, features and columns on diverse lifestyle issues. Until recently, Jan had four children aged 20, 16, 15 and 3. Her eldest son, Kristian, tragically took his own life via a Heroin overdose on 1 November 2002. Whilst campaigning for drugs’ awareness and penning a monthly parenting page for the Western Daily Press newspaper, Jan is also currently writing a book on child suicide entitled, “Chasing Death”.

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