Setting Goals: Real vs. Ideal
Author: Terry R. Hartley, PhD

Failing to attain goals is among the heaviest blows to self-concept, the totality of your thoughts and feelings about yourself. To actually attain goals depends largely on an important concept in adolescent development. It’s called delay of gratification. When you’re trying to achieve something, you’re much more likely to accomplish your goal by making a realistic plan, then following it, rather than trying to snatch up the object of your desire in one gluttonous move. Unfortunately, a great many people never come to understand this concept. They spend their entire lives seeking instant gratification.

Credit card companies understand this human frailty all too well. Don’t wait until you can afford it; purchase anything that strikes your fancy — now! Automobile and furniture manufacturers have caught on — buy now, no interest or payments for 90 days, or six months, or a year. The desire for instant gratification keeps divorce courts in hyperdrive. Fall in lust, marry a schmuck, fall out of lust, divorce the schmuck, fall in lust with the next schmuck, and on and on. So what’s going on here? When you met the schmuck, you were meeting Prince Charming or Princess Pureheart. How did yesterday’s royalty become today’s royal pain?

The answer to questions like this is straightforward: when you want something, and you’re unwilling to delay gratification, you idealize that something. In other words, you view that object as more perfect than it actually is. And you do that whether it’s a potential mate, a vehicle, or a set of dining room furniture. You don’t take time to see the real object, only the false, ideal one — the one with no flaws. So you grab onto it as though it’s the most precious object in the universe. Then … comes … BUYER’S REMORSE! When the payments come due on the furniture or vehicle, it has lost its luster. It is used furniture or a used vehicle. Its monetary value has plunged, and, besides, you’re probably tired of it anyway. That’s a minor happenstance when compared to affairs of the heart.

How many men have married Princess Pureheart only to find themselves wed to a bed hopper or a substance abuser? How many women have wed Prince Charming to later discover he’s a spouse abuser, or a lazy bag of bones who offers nothing in the form of monetary support? Truth is, those ne’er-do-wells were that way from the beginning; you just failed to take the time or effort to see the real them. After all, you needed instant gratification.

Self-aware people always question the need for instant gratification. They weigh things out. It’s important to state your real goals, itemize immediate problems related to that goal, prioritize your most urgent needs, inventory your resources, and focus your energy and resources. I can’t tell you how many people have thanked me for teaching them those five principles and how to apply them in first achieving a few modest goals, then moving on to tackle more difficult ones. Success at achieving any goal fortifies your self-concept, which, in turn, will lead you to ever greater achievement.

Although this is only a brief overview of the five principles of setting and achieving goals, you’d be amazed at how significantly they can improve your life.







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Dr. Hartley is a social psychologist, a scientist, and the author of Tyrants of Self-Concept: Ruling the Rulers, a 122-page ebook that thoroughly covers self-concept formation, including goal-setting principles, steps for improving your relationships, taking control of your life, and living the life you want to live. It includes easy-to-relate-to stories, examples, humor, and concrete, practical worksheets and exercises that get results fast. To learn more about how you can apply the principles, click here: www.rulingtherulers.com

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