Two Ways to Feel Fear
Author: Paul McNeese

Franklin Roosevelt once said, in a speech on the radio, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

He was dead right. And for the next few minutes we're
going to look at why he was right, what FEAR really is,
and how it can be turned into something strong and
productive for you with just a few simple tactics you can
learn in less than 10 minutes.

This is important learning, because more often than not
it's fear that prevents us from making the changes that
are needed to improve our lives. And it's fear that
paralyzes us when change invades from the outside…a
layoff, a death in the family, the end of a relationship.
All of these change-producing events create fear. And how we deal with fear makes all the difference between a positive outcome and…no outcome at all!

An old friend of mine put fear into perspective some time
ago by relating each letter of the word F-E-A-R to another
word -- like this:

F - FALSE
E - EVIDENCE
A - APPEARING
R - REAL.

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

...or another way of looking at it (which was my way for
much of my life)...

F - FORGET
E - EVERYTHING
A - AND
R - RUN!!!

But let's start this survey of fear with a definition that's a little plainer than my friend's acronym - or mine!

According to Webster's dictionary, FEAR is: "An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." Another way of saying this might be: "A negative expectation about the future," or "A feeling that something is about to be lost or taken away."

Where does fear come from? Does it come from those things that make us fearful? No. It comes from inside ourselves. FEAR is an emotion. Is an emotion a FACT? It sure seems so when we experience one. But is this REALITY? No. WE create our emotions as a function of imagination. Emotions come from thoughts.

It follows, then, that if we create the emotion called fear, then we ought to be able to control it! But how many times in your life has your fear ruled you...made you sweat...almost stopped your breathing...made you feel real
funny down around your stomach...kept youPARALYZED? It could be that now is one of those times in your life. You're suddenly unemployed, or threatened with a layoff,
weathering a failed relationship, in a financial crisis...
whatever. That may even be why you're reading this today.
If so, then let's give you some good news.

We feel fear at very specific times...times we refer to as
"crisis." The ancient Chinese observed this, and they also observed that fear has two components -- anxiety and
excitement. From this, they divined that a "crisis" really represents a duality of Danger and Opportunity. Which one you choose as the benchmark for your crisis IS up to you!

And that's good news…you can CHOOSE.

So here are five comforting thoughts from Susan Jeffers,
author of "FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY."

1. Fear will never go away as long as you're growing.
2. The only way to overcome fear is to take positive action.
3. The only way to feel better about yourself is to walk
right through the fear.
4. Remember that fear will always be present in an
unfamiliar situation.
5. EVERYONE experiences fear…you're not alone.

Although you may have heard one or more of the five truths about fear just expressed, here's a hypothesis about fear that may be new to you.

Quoting again from Susan Jeffers: "Pushing through the
fear is less frightening than living with the underlying
fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness."

That's very, very important. I know that it's hard to
understand this while you're in the middle of the FEAR,
but pushing through it is, indeed, less frightening than
living with the fear itself.

Let's look at how this hypothesis developed. First of all,
what's the first thing that happens when you feel FEAR?
It stops you cold. Your thinking process is affected, and you generally just want the fear to go away. What do you usually do to remove the FEAR? You push it away, or you tuck it inside and try to go on with your life as if nothing was wrong. And what does that produce? MORE FEAR, ANXIETY...and finally DEPRESSION and a TOTAL
PARALYSIS.

That's an argument for action -- ANY action. And the sooner the better. In fact, the moment you begin to take
action against the fear, your sensory equipment shifts gears and a real change occurs...all in a single moment. I've worked with thousands of people just like you, and the feedback I get is virtually unanimous. What it adds up to is an effective plan for coping with FEAR and beginning to remove it by FACING IT. Once having gone through the process I'm about to outline, people invariably tell me...

"Fear isn't the problem."

It's how we hold the fear. Simply stated, we can see fear
as a problem...or as an opportunity. We can feel it as pain...or as excitement.

When we feel it as pain or anxiety, our response to fear is:
"I can't." On the other hand, when we feel it as excitement, our response is: "I choose only to see the opportunity" Or perhaps, "I'm anxious about this, but I'm going to do it anyway and see what happens!"

And this is the key! When you feel fear, tell yourself
that there's something going on that warrants the feeling,
but refuse to hold the feeling as one of pain. Tell yourself that there's a change in the wind..."Something's got to change, and it's ME"...and tell yourself that as soon as you change the fear will pass.

My experience has been that this simple technique has
enabled me to confront whatever it is that's causing the
fear, to deal with it NOW, and to move on.

Surprisingly (or not), I usually discover that my fear was
way out of proportion to the significance of the event.
Nonetheless, I also discover that by confronting the fear
early on I am able to change sufficiently to deal with it and to feel very powerful in the process.

So when you feel fear, call it excitement and be willing to
deal with the situation immediately, effect the necessary
change, and move up your power grid to a place of greater
comfort.

Now, there's one more idea about fear that we should look
at.

Most of our fear-based pain comes from the egocentric idea that we can change what's happening around us. In reality, our fear stems from a sense of helplessness, and our ego drives us to attempt to overcome outside forces. It's a pretty weak position.

The ego state tells us that the power is "out there" and our job is to manipulate it so as to achieve the desired outcome. What a tough assignment!! Not only don't we know precisely what's out there, but we have absolutely NO leverage over it most of the time. It takes a lot of energy, the outcomes are NOT predictable, and seldom do
they occur as we'd wish them to.

Self-love, or self-esteem, on the other hand, says, "Any
power I have rests inside of me. It's there for me when
I need it, and I know how to use it, and that's all I need.
So let me use it wisely." This is a lot easier, and by
holding this idea we have a good deal more control over
both the input and the outcome. So, it makes sense to
look at our fears from the inside out rather than from the
outside in...to work toward self-esteem and self-love as
an antidote to fear.

The logical question here is, "How does fear relate to
Change?" The answer is simple. Most of us FEAR CHANGE. And five fears drive us.

1. The first is FEAR of the unknown. We don't know what
the change will bring; we're uncomfortable with what we've got; but it's familiar, and it's difficult to give up the
familiar for the unfamiliar.

2. Then there's the FEAR of failure. What if the change we
make isn't for the better? That's our egocentric fear of
what Other People think of us. What if we fail? We'll be
a laughingstock, right? So maybe it's better not to change!

3. The third fear that gets in the way of change is the
FEAR of commitment. We know that if we are truly our word, we'll follow through on whatever it is we commit to. But that implies some hard work, and we'd rather not
commit than to compromise our integrity by failing to keep
our word -- especially to ourselves.

4. The fourth item on our list of fears is the FEAR of
disapproval. Other people may not like the change we've
made, even if that change is better for us. A simple
example of this came to me from a friend a couple of
months ago. He decided to begin a regular program of
exercise, and he joined a gym. Four days a week he'd
go to work out after his business day was done. Good for him? Yes. But his wife, who was used to a routine of having dinner at six o'clock, wasn't happy at all with this, and she began to berate him about it, telling him that all this work wasn't doing him any good. Believe it or not, she even changed menus sometimes to add more fat to her husband's diet. She was sabotaging his efforts because she disapproved of his upsetting her idea of what was right and proper and familiar. I'd like to tell you that they were able to discuss it and resolve the situation, but that wouldn't be true. He was a bit afraid of that discussion, so actually, he stopped exercising in the evening and instead went early in the morning. Not a bad solution, but it didn't confront the issue, and he still fears her disapproval.

5. Finally, there's the FEAR of success. As much as we
want to be the best, we're afraid that if we actually become better, others will dislike us, shun us, think we're
stuck-up, all that! So we limit ourselves by our fear of
being above average!

Is it any wonder that breaking through fear proves so
difficult for most of us? But understanding what fear
really is, coupled with the courage to risk changing a
given situation, can produce truly transformative results…
for you!








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Paul McNeese, a California personal and corporate (executive)coach, is owner of Optimum Performance Associates, a consulting firm specializing in transitional and transformational change for individuals and institutions. His "Betterchange" workshop is a customized training that has been offered in California since 1994. Mr. McNeese may be contacted at pmcneese@betterchange.com.
The "Betterchange" website is http://www.betterchange.com/

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