Negativity in the Workplace. (How Being a Friend and Unconscious May Contribute to It)
Author: Teri Harris Saa

Tuesday morning I entered my office and ran into a wall--the negative energy was already palatable. What would it be like by Friday I wondered?

Negative energy walls seem to be showing up in many workplaces. One reason could be the economy and the negative state it is in. Another could be the continued threat of layoffs and downsizing. A third could be the bottom line philosophy of many corporations. Obviously there are many reasons for workplace negativity, but the one I would like to address here is the negativity spurred on by friendship.

Do you unconsciously sanction the negativity of your co-workers, or worse yet perpetuate it?

That morning after a co-worker (I'll call her Cindy) appeared and grabbed hold of my arm, acting as if it was her personal life preserver, the issue became clear to me.

As soon as I asked her what was wrong I realized that I had entered into a familiar scene. What had been meant as a sympathetic, friendly gesture turned into cement for the wall of negativity.

"Wait until you see your desk! The extra accounts Dan asked us to help out with are a lot more complicated than I thought they would be. Don't we have enough work to do already? And you know Mary's taking off next week--Doesn't she ever think of anyone but herself?"

As was my habit with Cindy, I listened quietly while she spoke, nodding when appropriate. This time, however, something shifted in me and I became acutely aware of the part I was playing in this little drama. For nearly twenty minutes, Cindy ran through her litany of anger and fear while I monitored my thoughts and feelings. And suddenly I realized something that was very difficult to admit to myself--I clearly got something out of Cindy's negativity. It was true. I enjoyed listening to her gossip, complaints, and criticisms. It was like watching a soap opera. And by listening, I was implicitly giving my approval. I was actively participating in building the wall of negativity. Yet, until now, I always went away saying to myself, rather self-righteously, "Boy, is she negative," not seeing that I was right there with her!

Women are naturally sympathetic. It is our nature to be nurturing, to empathize with a friend, but when we do so unconsciously, we could be enabling them to be negative. And this isn't helpful to them, to us, to our fellow workers or to our employer.

Become conscious and change a negative work environment into a positive one.

We spend forty or more hours a week at work--a significant portion of our life. It's only natural that we create workplace friendships. We are women after all. We thrive on relationships. But if our work friendships breed negativity so will our work environment and eventually we won't be happy. Becoming conscious of how we communicate with our friends and associates at work can change a negative environment into a positive one.

Let's look at a number of ways that we automatically and unconsciously add to negativity. First we get caught up in the drama. Another person's drama can be so enticing and entertaining. It can take the focus off of our own worries or give us an adrenaline rush of excitement as we empathize.

Second, we listen. Yes, I know that it is only polite to listen while someone is sharing and that this is what friends do. But, when we openly listen to anyone's constant negativity we implicitly give our approval to it and we offer it a platform from which to grow.

Third, we validate. With each appropriate nod or affirmative statement we encourage our friends to continue in their negativity. Sometimes we even take them by the hand and walk with them down the path of their own victimhood. Why? Because it gives our ego a boost. And this is the fourth way that we contribute to negativity. We enjoy being a savior and feeling "better-than" our friends. (Poor Cindy, her life is such a mess, we say to ourselves.)

Now, let's look at how we can change this situation. How can we maintain our workplace friendships while also building a positive work environment? The first thing we need to do is to become conscious. Sounds silly, but it's true. We can't disarm negativity until we are aware of the part we play in sustaining it. To become conscious means to observe ourselves and become aware of our actions, our responses, our emotions and the reasons we participate in negativity.

Second, we can start looking for and assisting our friends in seeing new perspectives. (If Cindy complains about how busy things are with all the new contracts, we can assure her it means business is good, and that's good for us all.)

And finally, we can consciously choose our words as well as our behavior. We can begin taking positive action rather than continuing to wallow in negative reaction.

That Tuesday morning I had an epiphany--I was powerful. By just becoming conscious, I could change the atmosphere of the office and create a positive environment out of a negative one. I turned to Cindy. I reminded her that she had a choice. "I know that it seems like we have a lot of work right now," I said, "but remember, it is only temporary. And look at it this way, more work equals job security. Instead of getting upset, let's see what positive benefits we can come up with?"

This got Cindy thinking and in a few minutes she was smiling and sharing her new perspective with others. All she really wanted was something to talk about and a little attention.

Being a true friend means, not allowing your office mates to spread their negativity by perpetuating their dramas. It also means becoming conscious and helping your friends to do so as well. In every office situation, there are those who actively spread negativity through their words and actions and those who spread it passively by listening and agreeing. That day, after I became conscious of my enabling behavior, the energy in the office shifted and the wall of negativity started to crumble.







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About the Author: Teri Harris Saa developed and teaches The Art of Conscious Creation, a self-creation process that brings psychology and spirituality together. Look for her new book, The Wisdom Chronicles: An Everywoman¡¦s Awakening to Her Purpose (Moment Point Press), in stores April 2003. And, visit Teri at her web site: www.ArtofConsciousCreation.com

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