Your Self Image - How to get a healthy one!
Author: Craig Lock

The Man In The Looking Glass

"When you get what you want in your struggle for self and the world makes you king for a day Then go to a mirror and look at yourself and see what your face has to say for it isn't your father, or mother or wife who judgement upon you must pass the one who means most in your life everyday is the face looking back from the glass you may follow the whole world down the pathway of life and get pats on your back as you pass but your final reward will be heartache and tears if you've cheated the man in the glass."

Every successful person knows the vital role that their self- image, or the picture they hold of themselves, plays in their success. This snapshot is probably the most important single factor which will determine how successful you will be in life- it is your destiny. I firmly believe that holding a poor self-image short-circuits a person's chances of success.

Your self-image is what you feel about yourself at the deepest level. It is your truth- because you subconsciously believe it about yourself. One's self image (especially with sensitive people) is a very fragile thing. It can be severely damaged by loss of job, mental breakdown or other trauma. Once broken it has to be slowly rebuilt, brick by brick, which sometimes can take a number of years before the person becomes their old self once again. People closest to you have a significant impact on ones self-image. If they don't believe in you, it makes it very hard.

How you see yourself personally and professionally also determines the level of your own motivation. A positive self-image means that your sub-conscious mind can be controlled by eliminating negative thoughts and attitudes. Your subconscious mind determines your attitude to events and experiences. It is not what happens to you that is important, it is HOW you react to events.

"I am upset not by events, but rather by the way I view them."

Holding a good self image means seeing yourself as a unique and significant person who has a meaningful part to play in the world. You then add greater meaning to your life.

If you have a strong inner belief in yourself and your values, you can change your behaviour subjectively by changing your attitudes of mind or your inner beliefs. This is what is known as "self talk". For example: You can turn a negative attitude about your weaknesses to a positive one regarding your strengths. Don't get bogged down with circumstances. The 'loser' with a negative self image often blames others for their adverse circumstances in life and usually suffers from depression. This negative self image then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as failure follows failure in their life.

On the other hand, the person with a good self image EXPECTS to live up to their expectations and achieve success, which is what usually happens. If you feel good about yourself, the brain sends out positive messages to your body ( as seen in one's body language) , so that you can act confidently and give off positive "vibes". This in turn develops confidence, which makes you feel more positive about having a go at something you would not normally tackle. We all know and envy those people who project an aura of confidence and success. Don't we?

Thus, self image is a vital self-management skill, and like all skills, it needs constant exercise to nourish:

"water the flowers instead of the weeds in your garden."

How long has it been since we visited ourselves by looking closely at ourselves? The technical word for this is introspection.

How Do You See Yourself Now?

1. What do you do well?

2. What do you like most about yourself?

3. What results/achievements are you most proud of?

Your self image can be an invisible ceiling. Don't sell yourself short, because everyone has the potential to do anything. Aim high. If you train fleas to jump in a glass jar, even if you remove the jar, they do not jump any higher. Don't be a flea! Say to yourself:

"I need to lift the lid of my unlimited potential."




Lifting the Lid


Unlimited Potential

Self Image

Self imposed ceiling

Limited Potential


HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THE FUTURE?

Write a short note to yourself on who you want to be and what you want to achieve by the year 2000 (or year 2003 seeing we are now nearly at the turn of the century as I update this manuscript). Utilise visual imagery (or mental pictures) and talk to yourself in a quiet place.

Make a decision to change (if you want to) and where you want to go. Involve yourself in clear specific goals.

END OF PART ONE

Authors Note:

Craig Lock has written extensively in the field of self help. This extract is from his first published book HANDBOOK FOR SURVIVAL IN THE NINETIES (which has been updated and renamed HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM) . These books are available at :

http://www.nzenterprise.com/writer/books.html

PART TWO SELF IMAGE

IMPROVING YOUR SELF IMAGE

Central to genuine success is a positive and realistic self image. However, throughout the course of a given day we are exposed to negative feedback- in the form of the media and comments from others. Throughout the course of our lives, we frequently harbour damaged self images- this stops us discovering our full potential. Don't try to imitate others, but see yourself as a unique person who can make a mark in the world. Many people have not taken seriously what I have been trying to do in my writing. Perhaps they are right that I'll never be successful!

Hindrances to a positive self image: 1. Continual habit of self deprecation. (example: see last sentence in previous paragraph).

Many people put themselves down, pointing to their inabilities, inadequacies and weaknesses. People generally underestimate their capabilities and stress weaknesses rather than strengths- particularly women and in CV's. I believe this is the reason why many people live lives of mediocrity, never becoming what they might have been by realising their full potential.

2. A false sense of security.

Most people plod on in steady secure jobs (which they don't like), rather than stepping out into the unknown. Change is not nearly as dangerous as what people think. Says he!

3. Most people remember past failures with guilt rather than celebrating what they did well. Take the credit yourself, no matter how small your achievements.

4. SNIOP = We are all very easily susceptible to the negative influences of other people . Don't listen when others say you can't do it. It just makes them feel better in their "mediocre little lives".

5. Dare to be different and to what your heart says. FOLLOW YOUR DREAM... whatever it may be.

How to overcome a poor self- image

"Imagination rules the world." - Napoleon

"Imagination is the world." - Einstein

(Repeated by a slightly inebriated friend of mine standing on a table at a nurses dance). Thanks Peter "Allie".

Utilise the Power of your Imagination.

Don't think negatively in terms of failure. Change your attitude by visualising achieving your goals. If you want to change your self image, change your imagination by letting your mind dwell on what you want to be in the future.

If you want to change your behaviour, the quickest and easiest way is to change your own attitude. You don't necessarily need to change jobs or location. That's a big mistake I've made!

Establish a New Identity.

Use your mind. If you identify with a low self image, you will continue to view yourself poorly. Free yourself of your bad memories and fears of failure. If you are not happy with yourself, you may need to use the erase button, and record a new image to play back to yourself ... on the videotape of your mind, but without the old negative bits.

Your self image is your most precious asset. Make it a daily task to build it, to nourish it and to feed it.

Be Open to Growth & New Opportunities.

Serendipity - Most of my successes have come purely by chance by being in the right place at the right time, as well as staying positive even when things look bad. No, not bad but really perilous sometimes stuck in a big black hole full of that "smelly brown stuff".

"The image that concerns most people is the reflection they see in other people's minds."

- Edward De Bono, famous writer on the concept of lateral thinking

In other words, I believe that too many people are worried about what others think of them.

Set Definite Goals:

Man is a goal-seeking organism. His personality is controlled not as much by his past accomplishments and present environment, as by his future goals.

People with no definite goals have an unfocussed life - they accomplish little of substance. An unfocussed life is a wasted life, and a wasted life is most open to a low self image. If you have no goal, where will you focus your abilities? How will you direct your life? Crystallise your goals ...then action them.

GOALS BRING SUCCESS
Setting and then achieving them. They give structure and a plan to our lives, no more than that... a purpose, a reason for being. So write down your daily goals. Numerous studies have shown that man uses only 10% of his abilities throughout his lifetime and only 5% of the population have any written goals.

So then, WHAT HOPE DO THEY HAVE OF EVER ACHIEVING THEM?

SPEAK POSITIVE WORDS Always think the best of others. We all have disappointments, but never allow disappointments to trigger negative words of resentment and anger. Words that lead to self pity and depression.

EXERCISE POSITIVE FAITH

NB: Have Faith in yourself, but especially in God.

The Bible said: "As I think I behave." Don't ask me where to find it though? (could some "Bible-basher" please let me know where I found that quotation).

"How you see yourself is more important than how other people see you."

ASK YOURSELF:

+ + -

1. What do I do well? What do I do poorly?

2. What do I like most about What do I like least about myself? myself?

3. Of which results/achievements Which areas of my life need of mine am I most proud? the most attention?

* The more you add to the left hand side of the ledger, the more you will outweigh the negatives you have accumulated over the years. Instead of being your own worst enemy, you can be your own best friend. You're bound to have more on the left hand side than on the right.

A word to end off this chapter...

"Fall in love with yourself and be sure of a life-long romance."
I LOVE MYSELF


I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM
THERE'S NOTHING I NEED TO CHANGE
I WILL ALWAYS BE THE PERFECT ME
THERE IS NOTHING TO RE-ARRANGE
I AM BEAUTIFUL AND CAPABLE
OF BEING THE BEST ME I CAN
AND
I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM


I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
THERE IS NOTHING YOU NEED TO DO
WHEN I FEEL THE LOVE INSIDE MYSELF
IT IS EASY TO LOVE YOU
BEHIND YOUR FEARS
YOUR RADIANT HUES
I SEE YOUR SHINING STAR
AND
I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.


I LOVE THE WORLD THE WAY IT IS
'CAUSE I CAN CLEARLY SEE
THAT ALL THE THINGS I JUDGE ARE DONE
BY PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME
SO TILL THE BIRTH OF PEACE ON EARTH
THAT ONLY LOVE CAN BRING
I'LL HELP THAT GROW BY LOVING EVERYTHING.


I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM
AND STILL I WANT TO GROW
THE CHANGE OUTSIDE CAN ONLY COME
WHEN DEEP INSIDE I KNOW
I'M BEAUTIFUL AND CAPABLE
OF BEING THE BEST ME I CAN
I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM.


Thanks Marie, mom, dad, Glenda, Kaye...and Craig.







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Craig Lock is a graduate from the University of Cape Town in South Africa... but he has learnt far more from the "school of hard knocks" and the University of Life... battered, bruised but never unbowed. He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life's savings on airfares. He is still 'sliding down the razor blade of life' on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep!

Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing.

That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another fourteen manuscripts (on widely differing subjects) being published and promoted himself on the internet... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life.

Craig has taught at the local Tairiwhiti Polytechnic (English), as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was (as far as we know) the author of the first online creative writing course on the internet by a published writer. Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy.

He firmly believes in the motto: "Find what you love doing, then you will never have to do a day's work in your life."

Craig is certain he has found his niche in life... anyway, what other job would be suitable for him?

" A man without a dream is destined never to fulfill his or her full potential in life. Never give up on your dream... but take time to smell the flowers on your very individual journey. Be yourself and count your blessings, then try to make a difference in the world - however small. Try to shine your own little ray of sunshine to make the lives of others easier in some little way. You too can derive the greatest pleasure from treading the wildest uncertain path... and just being YOU." Craig Lock

Creative Writing Course

http://www.nzenterprise.com/writer/creative.html

http://www.elkpublications.com/godzone.htm

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