KIDS IN CYBERSPACE A Guide for Parents and Teachers
Author: Colin Gabriel Hatcher

Introduction

The Internet is a wonderful tool for communications, education or leisure. It is a library with an incredible 100 million books on every topic known, easily accessible for research and study . It gives you the ability to chat in real time to anyone, anywhere across the world. Its high speed electronic mail routes link up the entire world into a true global village. Its an exciting and essential resource for all our children - as essential as learning to read, write and do Math.

But there are some risks to our children when they are using the Internet, risks which parents need to be aware of. Internet technology is a tool. A tool can be used or abused. This brochure will explain to you the abuses that can and do occur.

The internet is not only a window through which our children can see the whole world of experience and knowledge; it is also a door through which other people can enter to communicate and reach our children. It must therefore be used carefully and wisely.

If you read the material below and decide that the internet is too dangerous a tool to have in your house, and you decide to prevent your children from using it, then this information will have failed in its purpose. It is not my purpose here to scare you, only to bring to your attention issues that you may not have considered before. No one can harm your child through the internet unless your child opens the door, makes elementary safety errors, or is too naive and trusting of strangers. As long as your kids are careful and safety conscious, nothing can happen to them online.

We hope you will use the information contained here to help make your child's time online a valuable experience. We owe this to our kids. Our children and the Internet are the future.

Risks

Child Predators

The live chat networks are the main areas of the Internet where sexual predators cruise searching for vulnerable children. A number of unique factors of the Internet facilitate the predators' search.

Due to the relative degree of anonymity online predators are able to deceive children. They may lie about their age or gender. Online predators often establish intimate relationships with children under the pretense of being part of the child's peer group. Since age identification is impossible, kids need to be careful when chatting online with who they think is part of their peer group. Children are curious and trusting. Unless they are well prepared for what can happen in live chat, they may innocently believe what they are told online by strangers.

Predators target children online who appear lonely, have low self-esteem, and lack parental supervision. It is not uncommon for a pedophile to become the online "confidant" of a lonely child, and they will often teach the child how to keep the online friendship a secret from their parents. Online, just as offline, it is the child who is left alone who is most at risk.

Children who have been seduced, lured or abused online in real-time chat generally have parents who are not Internet experienced. Therefore if your child is online then you must aim to be actively involved in what they are doing.

Advice re child predators

Position your computer in your main living area (in a public place) and make sure the monitor is facing outwards INTO the room (never have the monitor facing the wall - it creates a secret space). This is the number ONE safety measure you can take and it costs nothing. Never allow your children to have the computer in the privacy and secrecy of their bedroom.

Understand that you and your kids need to work as a team in cyberspace. This means discussing the rules and boundaries for behavior, and sharing what's going on online. Educate your kids realistically about the Internet and the possibility of sexual predators. Remember that if the child does not learn about online predators from you, then they may learn about it from the predators themselves when it happens to them. This means that you need to educate yourself too.

Make it clear that if something happens that is not the child's fault and if the child tells you, then you will not blame or punish them, nor will you ban the Internet from the house. Only in this way will you be able to create the atmosphere of trust where your child feels able to tell you what's going on online.

Require your kids to share information about their online friends with you. For younger children you should consider parental monitoring of your child's email. Understand that as kids approach adolescence they may well deliberately seek out adult conversations or encounters with older teens in order to explore the "adult" world of sexuality.

Learn to recognize the warning signs of a child possibly involved sexually online with an adult in an exploitative relationship. Signs may include hostility to parents, a cutting off from "offline" friends and activities, signs of internet addiction (see below), secrecy about the Internet and a preference for being alone with the computer.

Consider not allowing your younger child to roam cyberspace alone. We do not allow our kids to roam around our city streets on their own. We usually require them to be with an adult or a buddy. This rule can also be applied effectively to the Internet. Your young child can be online with you sitting next to them assisting. For older children you might require the child to have a friend sitting with them so that they are exploring the Internet together rather than alone. Remember that predators need privacy and secrecy to work on luring your child.

Easy Access To Pornography And Child Pornography

The World Wide Web does not come pre-screened and selected for your children. The decisions about what kinds of material children can access is currently in the hands of parents and teachers and will most probably remain so. Currently kids online have easy access to adult pornographic discussions and adult material (including pornography) as well as obscene images and child pornography. It is possible for a child to be exposed to this material without wishing to be. It is also true that many teens will actively seek out such material or discussions online as part of their exploration of and an interest in the "adult" world. Pornography addiction by some young teens as a result of saturation access online is a reality facing some parents today.

It is important to become fully aware of what is available to children on the World Wide Web. You can then define boundaries clearly for your kids online about what is and is not acceptable to you. This means that you need to go and explore the World Wide Web for yourself and see what is available.

Advice Re Pornography And Child Pornography

Define boundaries to your kids and set fair consequences if boundaries are crossed. Make informed decisions about what is age appropriate content online.

Install and use parental control/filtering software, or sign on with an Internet Service Provider that provides the World Wide Web already screened so that most obscene material is removed. But remember, no technology is foolproof, and filtering software is no substitute for active parental involvement.

Learn more about the effects on children of early exposure to graphic depictions of hard-core pornography. Consider the opinions expressed at: http://www.enough.org/myths.htm andhttp://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/Garden/1073/pornography.html (Click on the "Next" arrows at the bottom of each page to read several pages of opinions). Remember, as long as your kids are the only computer users in the household, you will never know what they are doing on the Internet.

Internet Gangs

Internet cracking gangs are a reality on online networks. Some teens find Internet gangs "cool" and idolize the leaders - often genius level IQ older teens. For teen computer "geeks" a natural curiosity and positive love of technology can isolate them from kids at school. Young teens seek "belonging" online as well as offline. The hacker scene in cyberspace has two sides - one side is positive, responsible and ethical. The other side is negative, destructive and anti-social.

Internet youth gangs cultivate and encourage a rebelliousness against authority . They may disregard for the rules or laws of Cyberspace. Anti-social behavior is learned, encouraged and rewarded. Teens can become hardened online bullies and harassers.

Some of these groups trade hard core pornography, warez (pirate software), cracking secrets and illegally obtained confidential computer and network systems knowledge. Other groups war against each other for IRC (Internet Relay Chat) network territory, or attack each others internet service providers (which is illegal). These gangs are similar in intent to inner city street gangs.

These groups may involve young teens in illegal activity on the Internet. This includes systems invasion, denial of service attacks and the trade in illegal pirated software. Some of these activities in the USA are classified as felonies, carrying a 10 year maximum jail term for adults. Parents can be found liable for the illegal activities of their kids online and some have already been successfully sued by the victims of their kids attacks, on grounds of poor parental supervision.

Advice about Internet Gangs

Understand the reality of gangs and the motivations that lead teens to join them. Teach your kids how to say no to the peer pressure on them to join online gangs.

Consider the connection between your child's home life, school life, self-esteem issues and online involvement in gangs.

Learn how to monitor your child's activity online.

Learn how to identify suspicious programs on your child's computer, including illegal pirated software and electronic "weapons of warfare".

Do not be afraid of hacking - it was hackers who created the internet and who now hold the highest paid jobs in it.

Encourage your child if they show an interest in the hacking scene to explore the "white-hat" hacker scene (the positive side). Direct them to: The Guide to Mainly HarmlessHackinghttp://www.fikusnet.8m.com/hackerz/gtmhh/begin.htm and How to Become a Hacker http://www.tuxedo.org/~esr/faqs/hacker-howto.html These sites will help to direct your teenage wanna-be hacker's energy into the positive, ethical and responsible side. If your child is showing great potential on computers, encourage them! Find computer programming courses for them to attend. Remember, skilled computer programmers and hackers are in high demand by the industry!

Internet Addiction

It is a fact that children (and adults!) can become addicted to the Internet. Their school grades and social life may suffer as a consequence.

The Internet, particularly online Live Chat, is an addictive medium. Without good supervision and time management training, teens online may abandon their schoolwork and their school friends in favor of an intensive immersion into the world of Internet Chats. Intensive online usage can be highly hypnotic, causing tunnel vision and loss of a sense of time.

A child may come to view the Internet only as a vast electronic game. They may play for hours and hours, not recognizing the Internet as a gateway to the real world with real-world risks.

A child can become so immersed in the online world that he or she abandons his/her offline friends in favor of an online peer group. School work, sports and offline social life can all be abandoned.

Long term computer use can lead to various health problems well documented by the medical profession, including symptoms of ADHD, eye problems, repetitive strain injuries on wrists and hands and back problems from poor posture.

Advice re Internet Addiction

Teach and enforce strict time management for your child's time online.

Encourage meaningful activity online just as offline, rather than hours spent aimlessly chatting about nothing. Require socialization/play offline, i.e. Away from the computer. This can be part of the agreement about having the Internet in the first place - your child must not only maintain school grades but must also maintain offline social commitments to sport, youth clubs, community service etc.

Keep the computer in a shared living area of the house, as opposed to a bedroom, so that your child can not become isolated and lost in cyberspace.

Know that software exists to assist with time management online, including programmable automatic shutdown at designated times.

Watch for the warning signs of Internet addiction. KEEP A BALANCED LIFESTYLE!!!

Internet Romance

Part of online socialization in chat areas for young teens will inevitably be romance. It is natural that teens will bring their offline interests into the online world. As a result some teens today are dating online BEFORE their parents have given them permission to begin dating offline. For an increasing number of young teens, their FIRST romance will be an online one.

Teens online are often interacting not with their peer group (as they are at school), but with teens much older than they, or with adults. They make the mistake of trusting online friends too easily, forgetting that online anyone can pretend to be anything.

While a relationship online can not become physical, the conversation can by mutual consent become highly sexually oriented. The rapid development of intimacy can fool teens into thinking they know a person better than they really do. In some cases teens may make decisions to meet offline. They may travel to visit, or even run away with their online "partner". While this does not always mean abduction or rape as a consequence, the risk is always there.

Advice re Romance Online

Educate your teens about online romance issues. Set boundaries on the teen's behavior online in this area. Establish a means whereby you can share knowledge of your teen's online experience, including friends. A teen's online life should not become a secret to be withheld from you the parent. Know how to safely verify a teen's online friend. Know to meet safely if an offline meeting is agreed upon. If offline meetings with online friends are arranged, ensure they are in daytime, in a public place, and never alone.

Bullying and Harassment

While many parents worry about their child becoming a victim of online harassment, they often forget that their own child could BECOME the problem. Some young teens with high level computer skills can themselves become predators and bullies online.

Highly skilled teens online may be impatient and contemptuous of "newbies" (new users). They may seek to humiliate or terrorize weaker kids in order to assert their supremacy.

Teens may learn to enjoy controlling and manipulating other children online. They may grow to enjoy their high status and "tough" reputation in Cyberspace. As a result they may never develop good discussion and negotiation skills. Inhibitions are relaxed online due to the relative anonymity at the immediate time of communication. This means that kids may be more blunt (rude) than they intend to be when arguing or discussing a topic. There can also be a loss of empathy (the ability to feel for the other person).

Advice re Bullying Online

Monitor your child's online behavior and be alert for warning signs that the child is either a bully or a target for bullies.

Teach your children about respect for others and polite conduct both on and offline.

Enable the child to understand that online they are not interacting with a computer but with another human being. Beware that the high self-esteem of your child does not become arrogance and contempt for others. Help your child learn avoidance and de-escalation skills online as well as protection skills and strategies.

Kids and Internet Advertising

More and more companies are using their websites to target children online for the purpose of consumer advertising, including CocaCola, Kelloggs, Disney, Crayola and ToysRus. Through games, prizes, gifts and other enticing offers, these marketers lure children into filling out detailed surveys about themselves and their families. Many children have no idea that the personal information they are giving will be bought and sold in the marketplace.

The data collected by these companies, which includes children's' names, addresses, telephone numbers and ages, is bought and sold by mass marketing brokers. Parents have no idea what is being done with the data collected about their children. There is no requirement on websites to inform parents, nor legal guidelines on what can be done with personal data gathered on children.

Advice re Advertising Online

Teach children to be suspicious of any kind of invasion of their privacy by online fill-in forms. Ask children to check with parents before filling in such surveys.

Make sure children understand that they should NEVER part with such personal information online as their family name, their home address or their family telephone number.

What your kids need in order to avoid problems online

To learn "cyberstreetsmarts" and to be properly prepared to encounter pedophiles in online chat areas. This needs to be as normal a part of a child's education as discussing predators in our streets.
To feel they can share bad experiences online honestly with their parents without being punished.
Safe areas in which to chat.
To know their boundaries. These boundaries need to be set by parents and the consequences clearly laid out if the child crosses them.
To understand the potential dangers of being alone in cyberspace.
To understand and respect the reasons why their parents are setting boundaries.
To know that while there will be consequences if boundaries are crossed, parents will not ban the Internet for things which are no fault of the kids.
To learn how to say no to peer pressure encouraging them to enter the world of adult content on the web against their parents' wishes, or the temptations of online gang activities.
To find positive online alternatives/role-models to gangs.
To understand the serious consequences of computer systems invasion crimes.
To have positive activities in which to channel their technical skills.
To learn discussion and diplomacy skills online, including respect for others.
To learn empathy and courtesy skills for cyberspace, so that they recognize the humanity of the other children they are interacting with online.
To learn that they are not at all immune from the consequences of anti-social behavior online (e.g. Parental suspension of computer access, termination of account).
To learn avoidance, de-escalation and protection skills and strategies online.
To learn time management skills.
To be educated about addiction and strategies to avoid it.
To be encouraged to maintain healthy offline activities so that their lives remain balanced.
To understand the limitations on online personal interaction. That it is impossible of knowing another user well enough to make life changing decisions like marriage, leaving home or sexual involvement.
To understand the importance of involving parents in knowing about online friends. Especially to involve parents in any attempt to communicate with online friends by telephone, or by meeting offline.
To understand the dangers of giving out personal information to strangers, and to recognize that online friends remain strangers at least until verified by parents.
To not believe everything they read while chatting online.
To know that family or school problems can not be resolved by running away with friends from the Internet.
To be appropriately wary of website surveys.
To ask for a parental approval before filling in and sending online forms.
To NEVER share personal information online.

Summary

The Internet is a wonderful technological tool. Used with awareness and understanding the future for your kids online is a wonderful future. Don't let this outline of the real risk factors your kids face online prevent you from helping them master the Internet. Knowledge is power, and no one can harm your children online unless your children take risks in cyberspace, either through lack of safety awareness or through foolish bravado. Being aware of these risks is the first step to avoiding them all. Enjoy the Net and enjoy it safely!








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Englishman Colin Gabriel Hatcher, a Silicon Valley California attorney and lifelong volunteer youth worker, is the innovative mastermind behind SafetyEd International With 21 years experience in education, 12 years experience as a Martial Arts Instructor (he holds 5 black belts), 11 years of computer experience, and over 7 years working in internet related safety, child protection and child advocacy, Colin is an accomplished expert researcher and writer in the internet field, as well as being an expert in internet and cyberspace law.

Safety Ed International http://www.safetyed.org You can contact Colin by email at colinhatcher@safetyed.org

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