Is it time to change your life?
Author: Lisa Miller
Getting the tools to help you wake up to a happier, more fulfilling life is so important these days, especially since we live such fast-paced, over stressed lives. I would like to describe tools that are easy to use and produce immediate results that help you resolve everyday problems with practical solutions.
To learn to express and manage your emotions does not necessarily take special training or practice. By expressing your upsets and tension in a healthy way, you gain clarity to help improve your ability to communicate more effectively without hurting yourself and others. Physical and emotional tension gets relieved and often physical ailments and your overall well being improves.
The tools are based on natural responses.
There are specific ways to deal with extreme emotions, such as rage, fear, anxiety, frustration, guilt, giving your feelings complete expression, without creating damage to yourself and others. When something is funny, we laugh, we make a sound. When we are sad, we cry, and make a sobbing sound. There is a sound we could make in response to most emotions, yet there are so many emotions that never get the expression, although sound is a natural response.
On a roller coaster, you can not hold back the screams. Applying sound to your feelings when you feel tense or upset is a great way to relieve pressure in the moment and clear your head, so you can manage the intense charge of your upset or rage ….or any emotion…without hurting yourself or others or behaving in ways that you wished you didn’t.
For example, let’s say you experience some road rage on the way to work. Let out big growls to blow off some steam. It relieves the pressure and you won’t carry the upset and stress with you all day. By putting sound to your feelings you can actively express your feelings in a safe way.
There is also a second part to this approach. That is to recognize untrue or unhealthy judgments and to verbally release them. Judgments can be recognized when we are sending unhealthy messages to ourselves that we are not good enough (not lovable, not pretty, not smart) or when you decide that someone else is not good enough either. Whatever you focus on, you naturally move towards. If you focus on constructive ideas and dialog with yourself and others, you move more in that direction. If you focus on destructive thoughts and dialog, you move more in that direction. Releasing judgments helps you learn to expend energy on more positive dialog.
Express what you feel.
Listening to our inner voice is important in being able to make better choices. Most of us have shut down our inner voices or intuition. We do not take notice of the subtle feelings we get. We do not ask ourselves if we are happy, if we like ourselves, what we can do about it? Our feelings are a valuable and have wisdom to share. Feelings are us, our essence...whether you like what you are feeling or not. Working through your emotional baggage is how you change your life. Because you feel something, it does not mean you have to act on it either. You can express your feelings with sound, like a big roar when you are angry, releasing all the energy so your feelings can get expression and transform, instead of shooting verbal missiles off at someone. Work through your feelings, do not bypass them. This is how we can actively apply the idea of self-love to ourselves. In the quest for healing, pushing pieces of yourself away is denial. Again, this is not loving yourself.
Feelings are the language of the soul. Your highest truth is hidden in your deepest feelings. Fear is not meant to stop you indefinitely. It is meant to slow you down until you are ready. Anger can also protect you. When those feelings are backed up, they will pop out...what will seem like inappropriately. It’s far more empowering to express voluntarily, than wait for (or actually create) a more intense circumstance to have that angry energy get expression. Both anger and fear are heavily judged against and need acceptance. Through expression, these feelings come into loving acceptance and can transform.
Love says you are doing the best you can, even at your worst. Each experience is an opportunity for the greatest good to come from it. If you take the opportunity to express your feelings, and process them, you will hopefully gain the necessary insights to heal that area within yourself, and not have history repeat itself. Experience is our best teacher. To judge yourself for making choices that may have not worked out to your liking is futile. To acknowledge you made choices and denied parts of yourself during the process gives you the wisdom to recognize those feelings next time and the power to choose differently.
Express your feelings where it feels safe for you.
Give your feelings the best opportunity to get expressed whenever possible where you feel safe. Sometimes a quick grumble is enough, and sometimes you may feel you need to growl and roar a long while before you feel better. It is situation specific. If it is not a good time to put sound to your feelings, you can do some deep breathing and tell yourself you will give it full emotional expression later. It is important though to keep your word with yourself, and let later happen. You must be consistent. You are building a bridge of trust with yourself.
Certain feelings are so backed up, they are embarrassed to come forward. Getting to know yourself is a delicate process. Your car is a great place to let it all out in a safe environment. In your home, maybe have a family discussion about expressing in sound before you try it out, so everyone is on the same page. The idea is that you feel comfortable to express your feelings, without having to hold back.
We hold beliefs or judgments, often based on inaccurate information from a situation that triggered emotions that did not get acceptance originally, so they got locked into place and solidified that particular belief.
People often have negative inner dialog and hold heavy judgments that, “ I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, I am powerless, or people believe they are unlovable, or that life is hopeless.” This kind of dialog needs to stop. It is destructive to yourself and others. It can be very limiting. Express all those feelings of being not good enough, and verbally release those untrue judgments as you discover them. We judge how we feel is not ok. It is not necessary to judge yourself and your feelings. Judgments need to be released to create space for your feelings to come forward and new information to come in. This will free you up emotionally to make changes for the better in your life.
Say out loud,“ I release the judgment I was wrong for feeling- spiteful, angry, sad, hurt, unlovable, hateful...” or “ I release the judgment I am...powerless, lazy, ugly, undeserving, pathetic, unloving...” or whatever you are saying that is not true. Often the same old fear, anger and judgments come up in response to similar and new experiences, based on old judgment patterns. The past does not equal the future.
Whatever you believe is true. You can become empowered with your beliefs...or powerless. To create a life of possibilities, you have to be open to believe many possibilities exist. You can start living more powerfully by recognizing and vibrating or expressing unhealthy dialog with yourself, and releasing those judgments. If you believe you are no good, it limits your possibilities. If you can see that there is good in you, and you have been operating in denial, and that has been the cause of you making choices that are damaging, you have opened up space for other possibilities.
It is not possible to go back and change a situation, it is only possible to change how we feel
about it. You must first work through any blame you have for yourself or others, which you can do by expressing with sound, before a place of forgiveness can be found.
I was living in an emotional pressure cooker and did not look at what the signs were telling me from the very beginning. The lesson for me was that I allowed myself to stick with something for so long, when it felt so bad, because I did not want to accept what my feelings were telling me from the beginning. My feelings are not the enemy, they are my protector. My disregard for their messages was when my difficulty began. I could be upset at myself forever for not listening, or I could forgive myself for not listening for so long. I was doing the best I could at that time. If I could have done better, I would have. Even at my worst, I was doing my best. So forgiveness was my only option. You have to accept how you feel and how you behave to really be able to change and transform how you are. That is how you can begin to make better choices in your life. A lesson is never wasted if you learn from past choices.
The act of saying thank you makes us more humble. It connects us to what we love in our life. Tell the people that you care about that you love them. Be grateful for the everyday things...a good cup of coffee, no traffic, everyone made it home safe, or even that you have a home. Appreciation attracts more of what you desire. It seems that when you take things for granted, they get taken away. To add more joy to your life, it is healthy to have a dialog of what is good in your life. Take some time each day and consider the people and circumstances in your life that you are truly grateful for and share your appreciation with those you love. Take the opportunity to tell them often. The act of being grateful creates more space for feeling good and joyful. When love fills your heart, it feels great, and it can even be a spiritual experience. Having anything good happen, and acknowledging it is a good way to be appreciative. Positive dialog creates and opens space for more of what you enjoy.
Now is the time to become empowered in your life.
How can we create world peace, if we can not create a peaceful environment in our own lives? This is a wake up call! We are one of the youngest countries, with the highest incidence of violence, pollution, use of natural resources, and least concerned with the effects. We have damaged our soil, our water, and ourselves. This can not be left to someone else, some other time. Now is the time, and it is up to each one of us to fix ourselves and deal with our emotional baggage, and by doing so, become more aware of ourselves, and the environment that we live in.
By expressing and listening to your feelings you will be able to honestly look at the past, and to choose differently in the present, to better guide your life in a direction that feels good to you. You can get to sit in the drivers seat of your life, instead of just sitting in the back and seeing where you end up. You can have healthier, more loving relationships, increase your capacity to love, and fill your life with experiences that bring you joy. All possibilities exist, and you have the power to make it happen!
Author and Self-Help Expert
The Alarm Clock of Your Life is Ringing
Lisa Miller grew up in both the suburbs of Long Island and in the rural country area of New York. With the experiences of the faster pace of city life and the balance of more wholesome country living, she has always had a deep interest in the human condition. She graduated in 1986 with a bachelor's degree from SUNY Stonybrook, double majoring in sociology and history, with an emphasis in psychology.
After college, Lisa worked in New York until moving to Arizona in 1990 where she began a new career working for a national pest control company. After five years of holding various positions, including technician, supervisor, trainer and manager mentor, she wrote her own business plan and started her own company called Lady Bug Pest Control Specialists.
Since 1995, Lady Bug has grown into a successful business of providing environmentally responsible services and having both men and women technicians as part of the work force. Lisa has continued to expand her concept of business by starting Lady Bug Franchise Corporation. Her personal and professional philosophy is one of good communication and creating an environment where everyone benefits. Starting franchises has been a great way to better meet customers needs and helps empower people to become involved in a great opportunity as a business owner.
The guiding force behind Lisa's success has been her interest in personal growth and empowerment of others. Her experience and understanding of people led her to start another project in 1998. The original spark came from a friend in need of feedback and direction on a book she was writing. Upon getting involved, Lisa found that she had much to say and decided to pen her own book. Once she began writing, the information easily flowed, somewhat like channeling. The result is her first book, "The Alarm Clock of Your Life is Ringing."
Lisa is a frequent radio talk show self-help expert and speaker on happiness. She has a passion for living and writing and loves to be involved with her other business ventures and interests. She is definitely an entrepreneur with her many companies, Books & Seminars, Pest Control, Franchises, Clothing and Animal Rescue. It is not all work and no play. You can often catch her riding her Harley or traveling somewhere to have an adventure and meeting new people. For Lisa, enjoying the experience is what it is all about!