Fear as a friend not an enemy
Author: Ian Clark

Fear as a friend not an enemy


What we are really saying when we have fears or doubts is not that we are scared of getting hurt. Not that we are unable to do it but the real reason is we feel

‘we cannot handle it’

Some fear is pure instinct and keeps us out of danger but the majority, the part that hold us back from achieving what we want is due mainly to our conditioning. Have you ever heard a mother or father shout out to their child as they go off to school "Take a lot of risks today." They are more likely to put out the message "be careful".
This "be careful" carries with it a double message: "The world is really dangerous out there" … And … "you wont be able to handle it." What they are really saying is "If something happens to you, I wont be able to handle it." This is passing on the lack of trust in their ability to handle what comes their way. With all these negative messages its amazing we could actually walk out of the door.

But the secret is not really to find out where the phobia and fears come from. It is to deal with them as they are now. Take the necessary changes.

Start by saying to yourself everyday "I CAN handle it !"

Below is a statement.

"To stop smoking you will have to redefine your position in life and take up a position of power."

Some people do not like the concept of power and want no part of it. It is true that in our society the word Power has some negative overtones. It often implies control over others, being manipulative of other people and situations but the Power I am talking about is the

Power within ones self

This means power over your perceptions of the world, power over how you react to situations in your life. Power to do what is necessary to achieve joy and satisfaction in your life and above all else the Power to act for yourself by yourself.

This kind of power has nothing to do with anyone else, it does not involve the use of anyone else. The kind of power I’m talking about leaves you free, since you don’t expect the rest of the world to fill you up. Its not the ability to get someone else to do what you want to do. Its the ability to get yourself to do what you want to do.

Changing the words you use has a lot to do with way your quit will progress.
The way you use words has a tremendous impact on the quality of your life,
Certain words are destructive; others are empowering. Choose to move your vocabulary from a destructive perspective to one of power."

" I Can't "
"I can't" implies you have no control over your life or what happens in it, whereas "I wont" puts a situation in the realm of choice.

e.g.
"I can't smoke" means you have no choice or someone else is telling you not to smoke.

"I wont smoke" means it is your choice not to smoke, you have made the decision.

From this moment on remove "I can't." completely from your vocabulary. When you give your subconscious the message "I can't" your subconscious really believes you and registers WEAK….WEAK….WEAK….Your subconscious only believes what it hears, not what is true.

"I Should"
"I should" is another one to take out. It too implies you have no choice in your life.
"I Could" is more powerful. "I could smoke a cigarette, but I’m choosing not to for now." This puts things in the realm of choice instead of obligation. "Should" brings on guilt and upset - totally draining emotions. Your power is taken away every time you utter the words "I should."

"Its not my fault"
Once again you look helpless. You need to take responsibility for what happens in your life rather than always being the victim. "Its not my fault I cant stop smoking"
But in truth "I am totally responsible for my smoking." If you are willing to take responsibility for your life you can do something to change it. Watch how powerful you become. Each time you find yourself in better control you are moving to a position of power, which will ultimately reduce your fear levels.

There are many more words like this, you just have to identify which ones you use and which ones make you feel helpless and change them for there more powerful counterparts and strike the negative from your vocabulary.

Handling the Chatterbox within
Taking responsibility means handling the chatterbox within our heads.

This is the little voice we all have, the same voice that tries to drive us crazy - and often succeeds.
Some people are not even aware it is there but I promise you, this is what will hold the key to all your fears. Its the voice of doom and gloom.
It sounds something like this:

If I stop smoking today then I might get stressed about something tomorrow, but if I don’t stop today I might not feel like stopping tomorrow. But if I stop now I can afford those new shoes I want. Maybe I can afford both and wont have to stop, I want to stop and will save, but what happens if something goes wrong at work and I lose my job, I will not be able to afford to smoke or the shoes. The job markets pretty lousy at the moment I cant afford to lose my job…………

and on and on and on it will go.

No wonder so many people cannot bear to sit in a quiet room, they prefer to have the radio or television on to drown out the chatterbox. You will also notice that you cant turn it off - at least not yet!

For now simply accept that the voice is there and is making you a victim, and commit yourself to replacing it with the positive voice.

From the moment you wake up you will realise it is up to you how this day is going to start. It is up to you whether you open the curtains and let in the light or lie in the dark.

It is your decision to not get up for work and it is also your decision to start the day as positive as you can and look forward to all the good things that will happen in this day.

It is your choice to put music on and dance around the kitchen or put the negativity of the news on or listen to your negative chatterbox.

It is up to you to if you choose not to smoke today or worry about the consequences if you do. The whole day is waiting to be moulded by YOU into the day YOU want.
The whole day is up to YOU !






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Ian Clark 34 from Stockport U.K. http://www.fullstop-smoking.co.uk. Training to be a Smoking Cessation Therapist

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